im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
