If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
