They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
