xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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