tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
