Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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