he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
