I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
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when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
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After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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