First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
