end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize