I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
