with your own penis?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
