That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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