But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
