Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You're like the curious george of whores
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
