haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
