therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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