Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
