i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
