Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
