Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
