I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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