I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
