could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
