Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
did i walk over a car last night?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
