I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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