Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
