he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
