y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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