Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
