My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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