Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
