I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there was a trapeze. enough said
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
