My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
