Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
