I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My feet surprised me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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