You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
