you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
