make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
