I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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