At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
