Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
