stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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