not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
