If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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