Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
