My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
