I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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