i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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