You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
