the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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