This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
