I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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