pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want to have your abortion
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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