Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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