i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
