Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
