I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
