Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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