The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
