One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Houston, we have a blender
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
