I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
