He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
