i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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