I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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