I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
