i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
