Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
