Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
