I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
