Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
