I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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