There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
