Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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