just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
