U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
