Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
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