Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
