Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
