What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
