Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
