Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
