how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
