There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
