you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
