You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
