Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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