you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
